From as early as his parents could remember, Tito was out of control.

When he was 10 years old, he was being suspended from school regularly. He fought with other students, he swore at teachers, and he ignored every rule there was. He seemed to be filled with anger, although even he didn’t know why he was angry.

Everything about Tito was intense. During those times when he wasn’t agitated, he could appear to be a happy and engaging boy. But it wouldn’t take much to throw this off. It was if there was something inside of Tito that he felt was bad, that he could never let anyone else see. He felt sad when there was nothing to feel sad about; he felt guilty when he’d done nothing wrong.

From a very early age, he spent most of his time with his friends – and not at home. He ignored his mother when she pleaded with him to come home at a reasonable time. She soon realized she couldn’t control him in any way.

When he was 12, Tito and his friends were hanging around in a spot in the woods where they often went. Most of the kids who went there were older – 13, 14, or 15. One night, one of the older kids pulled out a bottle of vodka that he’d stolen from his parents’ liquor cabinet.

When Tito took a swig, he almost choked on it; it was much stronger than he expected. But nevertheless, it sent a warm feeling all through his body. This was something new, and he wanted more of the feeling.

As Tito continued to drink (his friends were having a hard time getting the bottle away from him at times), he began to feel all the fear, self doubt, and guilt slip away. He felt warm, confident, and worthy of attention. He felt invincible.

From that day on, Tito drank alcohol whenever he could get his hands on it. Usually, that was dependant on when the older kids would bring it. Soon, though, he came to realize that he was going to have to get a more steady supply.
He would sneak money from his mother’s purse when he could, and then he would get one of his older friends to pick up beer or whatever he could afford.

As the months went on, Tito drank even when he wasn’t with his friends. Sometimes he’d be with one or two kids who liked to drink, sometimes he’d drink alone. He would do anything to avoid feeling like himself.

By 15, Tito was drinking so much that he was going to school less and less. He would black out and then wake up with little memory of what had gone on. He would often wake up with bloody hands from fights he didn’t remember.

Shortly after his 16th birthday, he was thrown out of school. He still stole from his parents but this was no longer enough to supply his addiction. He resorted to beating people up and stealing their money. From this he began doing break-ins. By this time he was doing drugs also. He’d take any pills he could get his hands on, and he was now doing cocaine regularly.

By 18, Tito was no longer seeing anyone from his family. He was living on the street and spending all his time getting and taking drugs. His despair grew, leading to the first of three suicide attempts. He hated himself without even knowing why.

When he was arrested for breaking into a store, Tito got the break he needed – although it seemed like a bad thing to him. Because he’d been arrested before, he was given prison time and ordered to undergo drug treatment. The treatment led him to 12-step meetings that were held inside the prison.

Members from the outside would come in for the meeting and try to pass on the message to the inmates. For some reason, despite his history, Tito became a captive audience. Having been clean and sober for a few weeks, his head began to clear and he started thinking about changing his life.

He went to meetings whenever they were offered. He tried to understand what was being talked about, but it wasn’t easy. The ideas of God or a Higher Power were very foreign to him. But all he knew was that the way he’d been doing things was not working.

Without realizing it, he was drinking up this new information with the same zeal that he’d once applied to getting booze and coke.

When Tito was released eight months later, he knew he would face his toughest test. No one was supervising him, no one was stopping him from getting high. But somehow he understood that if he went back to his old lifestyle, he might not get a second chance to break free.

He began going to meetings of Narcotics Anonymous; in fact he’d often go to more than one in a day. He soon began taking jobs at the meetings: making coffee, greeting people at the door, whatever he could do.

The more Tito listened, the more he was affected by the idea of making a Higher Power a part of his life. For the first time, he felt included in something. People were willing to listen to him and to help him. It was something he wasn’t used to feeling.

It still took him several months to get up the courage to ask someone to sponsor him, but he finally did. This was really the beginning of his true recovery. His sponsor, Arthur, helped him to recognize how he had been sabotaging himself. By doing the 12 steps with Arthur, Tito began to move away from his tortured past.

He began to think in terms of helping others instead of thinking about what he could take from others.

Only once he was feeling more solid did he approach his parents, who by now hadn’t heard any word of him in three years. He knew it would be painful, but he also knew it represented a new beginning.

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