Bobby just turned 40, and he is about to celebrate two years clean and sober.

This is the first stretch of sobriety that Bobby has had since his late teens. He still hasn’t fully overcome some of the consequences of drinking and using drugs for more than 25 years, but at least he’s moving in that direction for the first time. And for the first time, he is living as an adult without resorting to substances to get through the day.

Drinking was part of life at Bobby’s house over the course of his childhood, but it was never extreme or out of control. His family members were able to drink moderately without going nuts – even though the odd family get-together did involve plenty of booze.

In this environment, Bobby couldn’t help but be curious about alcohol. When he was just 13, he would sneak into his father’s liquor cabinet and sneak some gin or vodka. He would always add water to the bottle to disguise the shortfall. It was an adventure for him.

As Bobby got older he drank more. He considered it normal. Partying with his friends went on all weekend, and even crept into the week. This began to affect his schoolwork, but somehow he managed to do just enough work to keep his marks at the barely acceptable level.

This continued until he turned 19 when a dramatic incident changed his life forever. Bobby was an avid skier, and on a weekend ski trip that involved a lot of alcohol, Bobby had a fall. And it was serious. He cracked two vertebrae and was in a hospital bed for eight months.

The injury healed enough for him to resume his life in more limited way, although any type of sports was out for good. On top of that, he had to cope with terrible back pain.

He had been prescribed pain killers to help with the pain, but he soon came to depend on the pills to get through each day. It was not long before he was addicted to the pills, and this began his descent.

His drug use soon eclipsed anything he needed for pain. He continued his prescription, but also began to seek out pain killers like Oxycontin from illegal sources. He could no longer work, and this contributed to his depression.

For the next 20 years, Bobby lived day to day popping pills and drinking excessively. His despair grew, and he could not see any way out of his misery. His family tried to get through to him to convince him that he needed help. He saw no point in trying to get better.

It might have just kept going like that but a second accident opened his eyes. One night he was driving home from a bar drunk and high when he passed out and hit a light post at the side of the road.

Doctors told him he was very lucky, that because of his previous injury, he could have been paralyzed. But somehow he escaped with minor injuries. He went to court to face impaired driving charges, and was ordered to enter a drug rehab facility.

He had no interest in this, despite all that had happened to him. But he had no choice. He resented people for telling him that this was a good step. He was almost determined NOT to get better.

After a two week detox stint, Bobby was clean and sober for the first time in his adult life. He was confused and frightened.

Following the detox, Bobby began an in-patient drug treatment program that forced him to face his addiction for the first time. He resisted any efforts to encourage him to look at himself in a new way. He was terrified that if stayed clean, he would be expected to confront emotions that he had been suppressing.

Only once he was there did his head clear enough to begin to see the challenge ahead of him. Being clean, even for a short time, was scary but it offered him hope for the first time.

At the rehab he learned more about the nature of addiction, and how it had gotten a grip on him. He learned about how his brain had been affected by years of substance abuse. Understanding how chemical changes in the brain brought on by drugs had reduced his ability to use judgment to act in his own best interest. Learning that others had gone through the same thing made it easier for Bobby to begin to forgive himself.

As his rehab stay progressed, Bobby learned skills that would help him to deal with cravings and with temptation. He knew they would be there once he got back home. The idea of cutting his using friends out of his life was hard to accept for Bobby. But the treatment had taught him enough that he knew how vulnerable he was if he didn’t make changes.

After leaving a three-month rehab stay, Bobby separated himself from all his drinking buddies. He cut ties with the people who had been supplying his drug habit and he began looking for a job.

The next few months were difficult. He wanted to drink quite often but he didn’t. He was sorely tempted to pop some pills, especially when his back would begin to bother him. Again he didn’t.

He continued individual counselling that he began in rehab and began to understand himself better – for the first time in his life.

Bobby was one of the rare ones; he never had a relapse. He attended Alcoholics Anonymous meetings regularly as he continued to build his new life. He built new connections with people who were recovering and who would become his new support system.

Among his tools were the phone numbers of other members that he could use if things ever got tough. And they did from time to time. Through the 12 steps of AA, he began to clean up the wreckage of the past and to accept himself.

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