There is Much in Common between Addiction and Co-dependency

It can be more of a challenge to treat co-dependency than to treat drug addiction. This is because with drug addiction there is a clear goal: abstinence from using drugs.

But with co-dependency, things are not so black and white.

Let’s start with what co-dependency is. This refers to when a couple are mutually dependent to an excessive degree – much like an addiction. Usually one of the partners also feels compelled to nurture and “take care” of the other. They might put their own best interests aside to cater to the other.

In short, co-dependency involves a need to control or to be controlled.

The person who lives with co-dependency cares for people. They want to help everyone, and they tend to think they are the person best able to do this. They believe they have more capabilities than others and that people won’t be able to complete tasks ahead of them without that person’s help.

Co-dependency leaves the person having a very difficult time saying no. They are often referred to as “people pleasers.” The need to be controlled often leads the co-dependent into abusive relationships. They have a hard time standing up for themselves and believing that their need matter too.

The compassionate aspect of this is that the person who lives in co-dependency does things for others because they want approval and love. When others don’t return the compassionate treatment, they feel betrayed and bewildered.

Also because they have trouble saying no, this kind of person may spread themselves too thin, never really having the time to do the things that are most important in their lives. They are too busy worrying about how they can help other people.

The first step to coming to terms with co-dependency is becoming more aware. Through individual and group counselling and therapy, the co-dependent can begin to see how their behaviours are hurting them. They can learn new behaviours that will help them become more assertive and less dependent on the approval of others.